Sports jokes

Gerhard Reinke's
INTERNATIONAL GUIDE TO IMPORTANT QUESTIONS NOT TO ASK*

IRELAND
"Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk? This beer is black- did a leprechaun crap in it?"

FRANCE
"Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that? Aren't the French just Germans who can make sauces?"

ITALY
"Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus? I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O's! "

POLAND
"Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs?"

GERMANY
"Is this bratwurst kosher?"

TURKEY
"Where's the hash at? It's cool to slaughter Kurds though, right?"

KOREA
"Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?"

CHINA
"This wall isn't so great."

ENGLAND
"Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick?"

SWEDEN
"Do you have any normal meatballs? Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?"

YEMEN
"Yemen? That's a stupid name for a country. What's it mean ‘Land Of Fanatics And Desert'?"

INDIA
"You don't live in teepees? Where can I get a good juicy steak around here?"

ETHIOPIA
"After a long day of travel, I'm famished. Hey – those flies sure love your newborn!"

CANADA
"You're like Americans without money."

SPAIN
"So, this is the country that's not Portugal? Wow. Your women can shave if they want to, right? Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos?"

SOUTH AFRICA
"I liked it better the other way."

MEXICO
"Cancun is nice, but the rest of this third world country sucks!"

SAUDI ARABIA
"Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car? Is it legal to beat your wives here, or what?"

RUSSIA
"Is it always this cold and economically devastated?"

UZBEKISTAN
"Can you spell Uzbekistan?"

GREECE
"I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy. Anyone ever tell you that you resemble a Turk?"

AFGHANISTAN
"Seriously, where is the real country… where is everything?"

JAPAN
"What's Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi?"

AUSTRALIA
"How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure?"

AMERICA
"You mean, you're all not loud, stupid, and fat?"

*These questions should not be shouted in English.

Check out Gerhard Reinke's WANDERLUST, Saturdays @ 11:30 PM | 9 C on Comedy Central.

One day mama bear and papa bear were getting a divorce. The judge decided that baby bear was going to live with mama bear.

Baby bear started to cry . "Whats wrong?" the judge asked baby bear.

"I dont want to live with mama bear, she abuses me!" said baby bear.

"Then, you can live with papa bear" said the judge.

Baby bear started to cry even harder the judge asked him, "Whats wrong?" Baby bear replied, " I dont want to live with papa bear he abuses me even more than mama bear does."

"Then who do you want to live with?" asked the judge.

Baby bear replied, "I want to live with the Baylor Bears, because they don't beat anyone!"

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.

"Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"

There was an old man named Bill, and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred. Bill's wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game.

But one day he came home from their weekly game looking terrible and very tired. His wife asked, "What's the matter, Bill? You always seem so happy after golf and you look miserable right now."

Bill said, "Well, something terrible happened. Fred had a heart attack on the first hole."

"My God, honey!" said the wife, rushing to comfort him. "That must've been terrible!"

"It was," he said. "All day long it was: hit the ball, drag Fred to the ball, and then hit it again..."