time on your hands?
Call a bowling alley, and ask, “Do you have 10 lb. balls?”
When the attendent says yes, ask, “Then how the hell do you walk?”
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When the attendent says yes, ask, “Then how the hell do you walk?”
nerdz
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying 'Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter At Your Own Risk!' He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him.
'You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?'
'I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling.'
'Okay, truck drivers are not nerds,' he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.
'Why did you do that?'
'Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license.' The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers.They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
'What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season," says the truck driver.
'Well, sure,' says the patrolman. 'But you can't bait 'em.'
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'You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?'
'I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling.'
'Okay, truck drivers are not nerds,' he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.
'Why did you do that?'
'Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license.' The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers.They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
'What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season," says the truck driver.
'Well, sure,' says the patrolman. 'But you can't bait 'em.'
yo mama's so fat... practice
Yo' mama so fat, mountain climbers climb the Himalayas for practice before climbing her!
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golf and funerals
Two guys are golfing on a course that is right next to a cemetery. After they tee off, one of the golfers notices that there is a funeral procession passing by. So he takes off his hat, and places it over his heart. When the funeral is over, the other golfer looks at the guy and asks, 'Why did you do that?'
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The man replies, 'Well we were maried for almost 40 years. It's the least I could do.'
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