Sports jokes

A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."

He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off.

A week later he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?"

"Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."

"Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."

A new arrival in Hell was brought before the devil.

The devil told his demon to put the man to work on a rock pile with a 20-pound sledge hammer in 95 degree heat with 95% humidity.
At the end of the day, the devil went to see how the man was doing, only to find him smiling and singing as he pounded rocks. The man explained that the heat and hard labor were very similar to those on his beloved farm back in Pennsylvania.

The devil told his demon to turn up the heat to 120 degrees, with 100% humidity.

At the end of the next day, the devil again checked on the new man, and found him still happy to be sweating and straining. The man explained that it felt like the old days, when he had to clean out his silo in the middle of August on his beloved farm back in Pennsylvania.

At that, the devil told his demon to lower the temperature to -20 degrees with a 40 mph wind.

At the end of the next day, the devil was confident that he would find the man miserable. But, instead the man was singing louder than ever, twirling the sledge hammer like a baton.

When the devil asked him why he was so happy, the man answered, "Cold day in hell - the Eagles must have won the Super Bowl!"

* You wonder why singers Sting, Wolf Blitzer, and Bryan Adams stole wrestlers' names

* You only come out of your room if your theme music is playing

* When your boss is pissing you off you kick him and give him a stunner

* You always end a speech with, 'That's the bottom line 'cuz John said so!' or 'If you smellllll what John is cooking!'

* Your new wardrobe consists of more multi-colored bicep tassles, tights, and capes

* If there's one beer left you suggest it should be suspended from the ceiling and the winner has to climb a stepladder to get it

* Whenever you see someone lying on the floor you get the urge to put him in the sharpshooter

Have you heard that OJ is starting a new Airport Limo service?

His motto is, "We get you there with time to kill!"