God steps up and waggles and wiggles and then badly hooks his ball into the trees. As it flies in, a huge oak is struck by lightning and splits, one half falling into the path of the oncoming ball and knocking it into the fairway. As it comes to a rest, a bare 50 yards out, a squirrel darts out of the woods on the other side and grabs the ball and takes off towards the left-side woods. Before he gets in, an eagle swoops down and grabs the squirrel, carrying it aloft down the fairway. Just as it passes over the green, the eagle is pelted by hailstones, whereupon it drops the squirrel (still clutching the ball) onto the green about three feet from the hole. Dazed, the squirrel spits the ball out where it rolls up and stops on the lip of the cup. Suddenly there is an earthquake! The ball drops in... hole in one!
Jesus stares at John the Baptist with a pissed look, then turns to God and says: Dad? We gonna play golf, or are you just gonna mess around?
Coach Clive Woodward immediately suspended practice while the Police were called in to investigate.
After a complete field analysis, the Police determined that the white substance, unknown to the players, was the try line. Practice was resumed when the officials decided that it was unlikely that the team would encounter the substance again.
'Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?'
'Dogs can't talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I'll give you a drink. If not, I get to kick your ass.'
'Okay,' says the guy. He turns to his dog. 'Okay fella. Tell me -- what is on top of a house?'
'Roof!' The man turns and smiles at the bartender.
'THAT ain't talking! Any dog can bark!'
'Okay boy. Tell me -- how does sandpaper feel?'
'Ruff!"
'What the hell you tryin' to pull mister?'
'Okay, okay," says the man. "One more question please. Okay buddy, tell me -- who is the greatest ball player who ever lived?'
"Ruth."
The bartender beats the hell out of the guy and throws onto the sidewalk outside of the bar, then throws the dog out next to him. The dog stands up and looks at the guy.
"Geez. Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
Page 16 of 59 «« Previous | Next »»