Children jokes

A kid walks into a lunchroom at school and sees a fly on the table. He swats it and leaves.

Abother kid walks in, sees the dead fly and says, "Hey, cool, wings." So he pulls off the wings and leaves.

Another kid comes in, sees the fly, and says, "Hey look! Legs!" So he pulls off the legs and leaves.

A third kid comes in and he also sees the dead fly. He leans over to look at it and pulls of its head.

Then the first kid comes back, sees it and says, "Hey, look, a raisin," and he eats it.

After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me -- all under age 11. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, 'Ma'am,' he said, 'do all these children and this luggage belong to you?'

'Yes, sir,' my mother said with a sigh, 'they're all mine.'

The customs agent began his interrogation: 'Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?'

'Sir,' she calmly answered, 'if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now.'

A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. The 7-year-old is explaining that it is high time that the two of them begin swearing. When his little brother responds enthusiastically, the 7-year old says, 'When we go downstairs for breakfast this morning, I'll say 'hell' and you say 'ass'.'

The 4-year-old happily agrees.
As the two boys are seating themselves at the breakfast table, their mother walks in and asks her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The 7-year-old replies, 'Aw hell, Mom, I'll just have some Cheerios."

The surprised mother reacts quickly and whacks him one. The boy runs upstairs, bawling and rubbing his behind. With a sterner note in her voice, the mother then asks the younger son, 'And what would YOU like for breakfast?'

'I don't know,' the 4-year-old blubbers, 'but you can bet your ASS it's not gonna be Cheerios!'

Every year, Grandma and her grandkids, Suzy, Jill, and Billy come stay with her over Christmas. And every Christmas Eve they would make a big bowl of cookie dough so they could make cookies on Christmas Day. And every time, the next morning the cookie dough would be gone. The grandma could never catch them, so this year she put metal bb's in the cookie dough. The next morning, the cookie dough was gone and soon Suzy came running downstairs.

'Grandma, I went to the bathroom to pee and bb's came out.'

"Suzy," Grandma said. "I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." Then Jill came down and said 'Grandma, I went poo and there were bb's in it.'

"Jill, I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." About five minutes later little Billy came.

'Grandma something terrible has happened, I was jerking off in the garage and I shot the cat!'