Sports jokes

These three guys are out having a relaxing day of fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting each of them a wish. Now, one of these guys just doesn't believe it.

“OK, if you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q.”

“Done.” Suddenly, the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly — and analyzing it with extreme insight. The second guy is so amazed he asks the mermaid to triple his I.Q. All of a sudden, the guy starts to spout the solutions to mathematical problems that have stymied chemists, physicists and mathematicians since the beginning of time. The last guy is so impressed that he asks the mermaid to quintuple his I.Q. The mermaid looks at him, very concerned.

“I don't normally try to change people's minds when they make a wish, but I'd really wish you'd reconsider.”

“No way. I want you to quintuple my I.Q., and if you don't, I won't set you free.”

“Please,” says the mermaid, “you don't know what you're asking... it will change your entire view of the universe...won't you ask for something else...10 million dollars, anything?” But the man remains steadfast. The mermaid sighs and says, “Done!” And he becomes a woman.

September

15 Gov. Mifflin Jr. High
22 Cub Scout Troop 101
29 PA Blind Academy

October

6 Spanish American War Vets
13 Cripple Children's Home
20 Wernersville State Hospital
27 Girl Scout Troop 353

November

3 PA VD Clinic Post #3
10 Philadelphia Boy's Choir
17 Korean Amputees

Special Monday Night Game
December

9 Utopia Gay Boys

RULE CHANGES FROM LAST YEAR

1. When playing the polio patients, Eagles must not disconnect leg braces.

2. When playing the blind academy, Eagles must not hide the football under their jerseys.

RULES THE SAME AS LAST YEAR

1. A touchdown(this is when the ball is carried over the goal line, for all you Eagle fans that have never seen one) is still worth 6 points.

2. The Eagles will be allowed 20 men on the field at all times.

3. The Eagles will be allowed to substitute with the band members at any time during the course of the game.

4. The Eagles will be allowed 10 time-outs as opposed to 3 for the other team.

5. The Eagles will be awarded a first down for each gain of 3 yards or more.

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained.

"These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others.

"The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the third senior.

After hearing enough from his senior buddies, the oldest and wisest of the four of them, at 87 years old, piped up and said, "Just be thankful we're still on the right side of the grass!"

Your mama is so fat, people use her butt cheeks as a ski slope.