Sports jokes

Yo' mama so fat, mountain climbers climb the Himalayas for practice before climbing her!

Two guys are golfing on a course that is right next to a cemetery. After they tee off, one of the golfers notices that there is a funeral procession passing by. So he takes off his hat, and places it over his heart. When the funeral is over, the other golfer looks at the guy and asks, 'Why did you do that?'

The man replies, 'Well we were maried for almost 40 years. It's the least I could do.'

Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so bad, that he couldn't find his ball once he'd hit it. He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Joe bring along her uncle Ted.

Joe said, "But Ted is 80 years old and half senile!"

His wife replied, "Yes, but his eyesight is incredible."

Joe finally agreed and took Ted along. He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly. He asked Ted, "Do you see it?"

Ted nodded his head and said, "Boy, that was a beautiful shot!"

Joe excitedly asked, "Well, where did it land?!"

Ted said, "Hmmm. I forget."

Mike Tyson finally apologized to Holyfield for biting off his ear.

He said, "Believe it or not, I have learned many things about how to behave in society while I was in jail. So I would like to apologize to Mr. Holyfield for biting his ear in such a beastly way. Next time I promise to use a knife and fork."