first-time golfer
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.
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The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.
"Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.
"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.
"Oh great! NOW you tell me." said the beginner.
oj's airport limo service
Have you heard that OJ is starting a new Airport Limo service?
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His motto is, "We get you there with time to kill!"
the dallas possums
"Did you hear they are thinking of changing the Dallas Cowboys to the Dallas Possums?"
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"No, why?"
Because they play dead at home and they die on the road.
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