Barroom jokes

A man walks into a bar with a sandwich on his shoulder.

The bartender turns, looks at him and says, 'Sorry sir, we don't serve food here!!'

A man is driving with wife, when he is pulled over by a policeman.
"Sir," says the cop. "You were going 60 in a 50."
"No, I wasn't."
"Yes, you were," says the wife.
"Keep quiet!" says the man, angrily.
"And you weren't wearing a seatbelt," says the cop.
"Yes I was."
"No, you weren't," says the wife.
"SHUT UP!" says the man, really angry.
"Ma'am," asks the cop, "is he always the rude and violent?"
"Only when he's DRUNK."

James Bond walks intoa bar and takes a seat next to an attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks down at his watch. The woman next to him asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replied, "Q's just given me this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it." Intrigued by this, the woman asks, "What does it do, Mr. Bond?" "Well you see," said Bond, "it uses Alpha waves to telepathically talk to me." "I see," said the woman, "and what's it telling you now?" "It says you're not wearing any knickers..." Bond says. The woman giggles and says, "Well it must be broken because I'm afraid I'm wearing knickers!" 007 taps his watch and says, "Damn thing must be an hour fast!"

Q: What did the bartender say to his customers?

A: Men, Viagra now comes in liquid form. You can pour yourselves a real stiff one!