Barroom jokes

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women & alcohol
 
 
Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of estrogen. To prove their theory, they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive...
five pigs in a bar
 
 
Five pigs were standing outside a bar. The first pig went in and ordered one beer. 15 minutes later, he asked where the bathroom was.
The bartender replied, ' Down the hall and to your right.'
Then, the second pig came in and ordered two beers, and after 30 minutes, he asked where the bathroom was.
Once again, the bartender replied, 'Down the hall and to your right.'
After that, the third pig came in. He ordered three beers, and after 45 minutes, asked where the bathroom was.
The bartender told him the same as the other to.
The fourth pig came in, and ordered four beers, and after and hour, asked where the bathroom was.
The bartender told him the same thing as he told the other three.
After all this, the fifth pig came in and ordered five beers. After about an hour and a half, he had NOT asked where the bathroom was. The bartender was wondering why.
So he asked, 'Don't you want to know where the bathroom is like the other four pigs?' The fifth pig just looked up him and answered smartly,
'No. Because I'm the piggy that goes, 'Wee wee wee,' all the way home.'
futurama
 
 
How does a man plan for the future? He buys TWO cases of beer.
a leprechaun and his bodily fluids
 
 
One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat down, opened the box and out popped a leprechaun. The man told the bartender, "I want a pint of beer and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here."

There was man sitting at the end of the bar watching all of this and, after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he ran down to the end of the bar and spit in the guy's face. Then he ran back.

The guy with the box said, "I'll have another beer and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here."

After the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he again ran to the end of the bar and spit in the man's face, then dashed back.

The guy with the box ordered another beer for himself and another shot for the leprechaun. Again, the after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he ran down to the end of the bar. But this time the man was waiting for him and he grabbed the leprechaun and held him in the air.

He said, "If you spit in my face again, I'm going to cut your pecker off."

The leprechaun laughed and said, "Leprechauns don't have peckers."

Then the man said, "If you don't have peckers, then how do you pee?"

"By spitting," said the leprechaun.


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