Barroom jokes

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Barroom


redneck toasts
 
 
You know you're a redneck when at your wedding you toast with Budweiser.
man pisses in a shot glass
 
 
A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends. After a while of shooting pool and drinking, he whispers something to his friends. A few minutes later he walks over to the bartender and asks for a shot of tequila. After he takes the shot he says to the bartender,' I'd like to make a bet with you.' The bartender replies, 'Sure I'm in a betting mood.'

So the man bets the bartender $1,000 that he can piss in the shot glass placed all the way across the room and fill it up and not spill a drop. The bartender says, 'I'll take that bet.'
So the man walks to the other side of the room and places the shot glass down. He goes back to the bartender and starts pissing. He doesn't even get a drop in. He pisses all over the place. In the bartender's face, all over the barstools and everything.

After he was done pissing, the bartender laughed and said, 'You owe me $1,000.' The man paid the money with a big smile on his face. The bartender asked, 'How come you're so happy?' The man replied, 'You see those five guys over there by the pool table? I bet them $300 each that I could piss all over your bar and you'd laugh about it.'
the local strip club
 
 
Because Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym, his wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Dave! How ya doin?' His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. 'Oh no,' says Dave. 'He's on my bowling team.'

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, 'You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser.' 'No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them.' A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. 'Hi, Davey,' she says, 'Want your usual table dance?'

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him.

The cabby turns his head and says, 'Looks like you picked up a real doozie this time, Dave!'
prehistoric pick-up line
 
 
I ain't no Fred Flintstone, but I could sure make your bed rock!

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