Barroom jokes

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shoulda quit while...
A man and woman had a son but when he was born all he was was a head. The doctors didn't expect him to live very long. But the boy survived, so on his eighteenth birthday his father took him out to a bar for a drink.

The father ordered his son a scotch and when the boy drank it, out popped an arm. He was ecstatic so he drank another shot, and out popped another arm. Now the boy was in glee, so he drank another shot, and out popped a torso. And so on and so forth, until there was a whole body.

The boy was so happy that he ran out of the bar and into the street and got hit by a truck, killing him instantly. A drunkard in the corner looked at the father and said, 'He shoulda quit while he was a head!'

singled out
Q: What do the men in a singles bar have in common?
A: They're all married.
if you had what i have
A guy runs into a bar and says, "Bartender, quick! Give me 20 shots of your best Scotch!"

So the bartender lines up 20 shots of his best Scotch and watches this guy down one after the other.

"Man," the bartender says, "I've never seen anyone drink shots that fast!"
"You'd drink them that fast too if you have what I have," the guy says.

"Oh my God," says the bartender, "what do you have?"

"50 cents."

i still don't get it
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a Redneck joke. The bartender replies, "Well, I'm a Redneck and those three large gentlemen over at that table are too. So do you still want to tell your Redneck joke?" The man replies, "Nevermind, I don't want to explain it four times."

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