how many irishmen does it take...
How many Irish does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
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Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room spins around.
a man walks out of a bar totally hammered...
A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him.
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"You, sir, are drunk!"
"And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!"
vampires in a bar
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, 'I'll have a pint of blood.'
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The second one says, 'I'll have one, too.'
The third one says, 'I'll have a pint of plasma.'
The bartender says, 'So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?'
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