Barroom jokes

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no, officer
 
 
A man is driving with wife, when he is pulled over by a policeman.
"Sir," says the cop. "You were going 60 in a 50."
"No, I wasn't."
"Yes, you were," says the wife.
"Keep quiet!" says the man, angrily.
"And you weren't wearing a seatbelt," says the cop.
"Yes I was."
"No, you weren't," says the wife.
"SHUT UP!" says the man, really angry.
"Ma'am," asks the cop, "is he always the rude and violent?"
"Only when he's DRUNK."
two bit girlfriend
 
 
A guy walks in and sits down at a bar. His face is all bruised and bleeding so the bartender asks, "Hey buddy, what in the world happened to you?".

The guy says, "Oh, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and I called her a two-bit whore."

"Yeah?" asks the bartender. "What did she do?"

"She hit me with her bag of quarters!".

drink up
 
 
Q: What did the bartender say to his customers?

A: Men, Viagra now comes in liquid form. You can pour yourselves a real stiff one!

just keep drinking!
 
 
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender, "Quick pour me twelve drinks."

So the bartender pours him twelve shots and the guy starts shooting them back really fast, one after another. The bartender says to the guy, "Boy you are drinking those drinks really fast."

The guys says, "Well, you would be drinking really fast too if you had what I've got."

The bartender says, "What've you got?"

The guy says, "75 cents."


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