Barroom jokes

A cop pulls over a guy.
"Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?"
"Gee, officer," the man says. "Your eyes are awfully glazed -- have you been eating doughnuts?"

Two men are sitting around drinking. One guys says to the other, "I bet I could gross you out right now" The other guy says, "No way you could gross me out, whatever you do I could top" So the first guy looks at the second guy and sticks his fingers down his throat and vomits all over the table. The second guy looks at him and says " Nice Try ", and pulls out a straw....

A man and woman had a son but when he was born all he was was a head. The doctors didn't expect him to live very long. But the boy survived, so on his eighteenth birthday his father took him out to a bar for a drink.

The father ordered his son a scotch and when the boy drank it, out popped an arm. He was ecstatic so he drank another shot, and out popped another arm. Now the boy was in glee, so he drank another shot, and out popped a torso. And so on and so forth, until there was a whole body.

The boy was so happy that he ran out of the bar and into the street and got hit by a truck, killing him instantly. A drunkard in the corner looked at the father and said, 'He shoulda quit while he was a head!'

A drunken man walks into a pub. Curious about the bartender's collection of steins on the mantel, he climbs up on a chair to have a look. He knocks over the old wooden one and it falls to the floor. When the man looks down, he sees a leprechaun. The leprechaun says, "You have freed me. Now I will grant you three wishes. What'll they be?" The guy says, "How about a botomless mug of Schnapps. Then it apears on the table in front of him. The man gulps and gulps untill he is sure that the mug would not run dry. Then the leprechaun says, "OK, you got two more wishes. What'll they be?" The man says "I like this one, how about two more just like it?"