Barroom jokes

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give me a double
 
 
So this guy walks into a bar and says, "Gve me two beers."

The bartender obliges him.

The guy looks into his wallet and says, "Give me two more beers."

So the bartender gives him two more beers. The man went on like this until he had put down ten beers, and keeps on going in his wallet and asking for two more beers.

So the bartender asks, "What's in your wallet that you keep looking at?"

So the man opens his wallet and says, "The more I drink, the prettier my wife gets."

that's really, really nasty & practical
 
 
3 bums were outside a bar.The first one went in and asked for a fork.The second one went in and also asked for a fork. Then the third one went in and wanted a straw. At this point, the bartender became curious.

"How come all your friends want forks and you want a straw?"

"Well," the bum said, "the dog threw up and the chunks are all gone."

daddies bond over a beer
 
 
There were three men in a bar. All three were sitting at the bar stool and one got up to use the bathroom. The other two men started talking. One man said, 'So what's new in your life?'
The other responded, 'Well I just found out my son got a promotion. He used to be a janitor at the bank and now he is an executive. On top of that there's someone special in his life. He just bought his new love a brand new Lexus.'
The other man says, 'My son also got a promotion and he has decided to settle down. He bought his new love a new house on the beach.'
The third man comes back from the bathroom. He looked kind of upset so the other two men asked what's eating him. He responded, 'I just found out that my son is gay. The good part is his lover bought him a brand new Lexus and a new house on the beach.'
taxi fare
 
 
A frat boy gets into the back of a cab, and asks the cabbie, "Do you have enough room up there for a Pizza and a six pack of Beer?"

The cabbie says, "Sure." So the frat boy leans forward and throws-up.


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