Barroom jokes

A man and his monkey walk into a bar. The man walks over to the counter and orders a drink. The monkey runs straight for the pool table and jumps on it. The monkey picks up one of the billiard balls and swallows it. The bartender says, 'Hey man, did you see what your monkey just did?' 'What?' asked the man. 'He just ate my billiard ball!' The man apologized to the pool players and paid the bartender 10 bucks for the ball, took his monkey and walked out.
A week later the same man and his monkey walk in again. The man sits down and orders a drink. The monkey sits down by the man. After the man finishes his drink he starts to play pool. The monkey hops up on the counter and grabs a cherry and sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and then eats it. The bartender said, 'Hey man, did you see what your monkey just did?' The man said, 'Yeah, I know, he measures it now!'

Two guys walk into a bar and sit down to eat their lunches. Then the bartender says, 'Sorry, but you can't eat your own food in here.' So the two guys look at each other and swap lunches.

Two drunks are at a bar, drinking up a storm.

One drunk says to the other drunk, "Did you sleep with my wife last night?"

To which the other drunk replies, "Not a wink."

Did you hear Mike Tyson invented a beer?

It's called Nick-A-Lobe