Barroom jokes

A man walks into a pub and sits down at a table. He notices a leper at the side of the bar. He orders a shot and then throws up. Next he orders a beer, drinks the beer and throws up. He does this for several more drinks when finally the leper comes over to his table and says, 'I'm sorry if my appearance is making you feel ill.' The man replies, 'No, it's not you, it's the man sitting next to you dipping his chip in your neck.'

A man walks into a bar with a sandwich on his shoulder.

The bartender turns, looks at him and says, 'Sorry sir, we don't serve food here!!'

Once a man walked into a bar and sat down at a booth.

Eventually, he and another man got into an argument about whose dog could whoop the other dog.

The man said, "Let's have a fight out back.'

'Okay' said the other.

When they got their dogs, one man opened a case and brought out a 12 inch long yellow dog.

That dog proceeded to kill every other dog in town.

When one man asked, 'Where did you get that dog?' the man said, 'Well, before I cut its tail off and painted it yellow, it was an alligator."

There are these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood." The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.

The second vampire walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood." The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.

The third vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of water."

The bartender says, "Why do you want a shot of water?"

The vampire pulls out a dirty tampon and says, "Tea time."