Barroom jokes

Hey baby, are those space pants? Cuz your butt is outta this world!

A guy runs into a bar and says, "Bartender, quick! Give me 20 shots of your best Scotch!"

So the bartender lines up 20 shots of his best Scotch and watches this guy down one after the other.

"Man," the bartender says, "I've never seen anyone drink shots that fast!"
"You'd drink them that fast too if you have what I have," the guy says.

"Oh my God," says the bartender, "what do you have?"

"50 cents."

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a Redneck joke. The bartender replies, "Well, I'm a Redneck and those three large gentlemen over at that table are too. So do you still want to tell your Redneck joke?" The man replies, "Nevermind, I don't want to explain it four times."

A man moves from Ireland to New York City, leaving two of his best friends behind to make it in America. To keep their tradition of nightly drinks alive, every night he goes into an Irish-style pub and orders three pints. The bartender, after a month of this, becomes curious, and asks the man what he's doing. Touched by the story, the bartender has the 3 pints ready for the man every time he comes in. One day, the man tells the bartender to only give him 2 pints.

"My condolences," says the bartender, thinking that one of the man's friends has died.

"No, no," says the man, "they're both still alive. I've just quit drinking."