if you had what i have
A guy runs into a bar and says, "Bartender, quick! Give me 20 shots of your best Scotch!"
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So the bartender lines up 20 shots of his best Scotch and watches this guy down one after the other.
"Man," the bartender says, "I've never seen anyone drink shots that fast!"
"You'd drink them that fast too if you have what I have," the guy says.
"Oh my God," says the bartender, "what do you have?"
"50 cents."
how many irishmen does it take...
How many Irish does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
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Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room spins around.
huge pause
A bear walks into a bar and says, "I want a bourbon and............... coke"
The bartender asks "what's with the huge pause?"
The bear says, "I've had them all my life."
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The bartender asks "what's with the huge pause?"
The bear says, "I've had them all my life."
heading for trouble
A guy and his son go into a bar. The son is a miracle of nature and is just a head. The man asks the bartender for two shots. The man takes one shot and gives the other one to his son. The son swallows down the drink and out pops an arm.
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The man thought, "Hey this is good."
So he asks for two more shots. He drinks one and gives the other to his son again, and out pops another arm.
The man the asks for a double and gives it to his son. The son throws it down and suddenly explodes.
The bartender looks over at the man and says, "Looks like he should have quit while he was ahead."
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