Barroom jokes

A Scottish man heads for home after spending the whole night in a bar drinking. He was carrying his little Scotch bottle in the left shirt pocket just in case. Suddenly, a robber appears and threatens him with a gun. The Scot gets scared, and the attacker shoots, aiming towards his heart, and then runs away.
The Scot falls down, puts his hand on his left pocket and feels something wet. He cries, 'Oh my God! I hope it's blood!' '

A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel shoved down his pants. The barman looks at him curiously and says, 'Buddy, you know you got a steering wheel shoved down your pants?' The man answers, 'Yeah, I know! It's been driving me nuts all day.'

A gorilla walks into a bar. The bartender comes up to him and asks him what he wants. 'A scotch on the rocks, please.' He then lays a 10 dollar bill on the bar. The bartender takes the money and goes to fix his drink. He thinks to himself, 'Hey, this is a gorilla, he doesn't know about the prices of drinks.' and takes 15 cents back. He sets the drink and the money on the bar. Another bartender asks the first bartender about the gorilla and he says: 'Yeah, he's nice. Go talk to him.' The second bartender goes to the gorilla and strikes up a conversation. 'Hey there. Ya know, we don't get too many gorillas in here.' 'Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain't coming back.'

How do you know your bartender doesn't like you any more?

There is a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary!