poor couple
A poor man and woman sat down in their living room and the man said, 'I'm going down to the pub for a bit, so put your coat on.'
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The woman replied, 'Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?'
The man replied, 'No, I'm turning the heat off.'
dui enforcement
One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible drunk drivers. At closing time he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.
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The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered a Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."
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