Barroom jokes

One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat down, opened the box and out popped a leprechaun. The man told the bartender, "I want a pint of beer and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here."

There was man sitting at the end of the bar watching all of this and, after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he ran down to the end of the bar and spit in the guy's face. Then he ran back.

The guy with the box said, "I'll have another beer and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here."

After the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he again ran to the end of the bar and spit in the man's face, then dashed back.

The guy with the box ordered another beer for himself and another shot for the leprechaun. Again, the after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he ran down to the end of the bar. But this time the man was waiting for him and he grabbed the leprechaun and held him in the air.

He said, "If you spit in my face again, I'm going to cut your pecker off."

The leprechaun laughed and said, "Leprechauns don't have peckers."

Then the man said, "If you don't have peckers, then how do you pee?"

"By spitting," said the leprechaun.

There was this redneck that walked into a bar and ordered a beer. While he was waiting on his drink he noticed a jar of money sitting on the counter. When the bartender came back the redneck asked the bartender about the money.

The bartender replied, "Well, this money is for the goat we have outside."

The redneck was puzzled so he asked again. "What exactly is this money for."

The bartender replied. "Well, We have a goat outside and he just lays there and never moves or hollers or anything and who ever can make him holler gets this money."

So the redneck finished him beer and goes outside.

He comes back in and the goat is laughing so hard and can't stop. The bartender askes how he did it and the Redneck won't answer. So the redneck walks out of the bar with the money.

A week later the Redneck comes in and sees the same bartender. He orders the same thing. And this time he sees another jar of money. He askes the bartender what this money was for.

The bartender replies "Well, ever sence you got that goat to laugh, we can't get him to stop. So we made another jar. Who ever can get that goat to stop laughing gets the money."

So, just like last time he finished his beer and went out side.

Well when he came in, the goat was crying. The bartender was wondering how he did it and the redneck replied, "A redneck never lets out his secrets."

So, he took his money and left.

About a week later the redneck came back and he saw another jar of money. So, he asked the bartender what this jar was. The bartender replied "Well, you have us all wondering how you did it. First you made him laugh then you made him cry and we want to know how you did it."

The redneck just sat there laughing. He says "Well, to make him laugh, I told him my penis was bigger than his and to make him cry, well, I proved it to him."

Five little pigs walk into a bar. The first pig asks the bartender for a beer. The pig finishes the beer and asks where the bathroom is.

The second pig goes up to the bartender and asks for two beers. The second pig finishes the two beers and asks where the bathroom is.

The third and fourth pig go up to the bartender and ask for three and four beers. After finishing their beers, they ask where the bathroom is.

The fifth pig goes up to the bar, but before he can order, the bartender says, "You don't have to say anything, you want five beers, right?"

The fifth pig says to him, "Right, but I'm the pig that goes wee wee all the way home.

A biker walks into a yuppie bar and shouts, "All lawyers are a**holes!" He looks around, obviously hoping for a challenge.

Finally a guy comes up to him, taps him on the shoulder, and says, "Take that back."

The biker says, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"

"No, I'm an a**hole."