Sports jokes

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?

Quatro sinko.

What does OJ have that every man wants?

A Heisman trophy and a dead ex-wife!

1. More beer. More cheese. More sex.
2. Vitamin fortified cigars.
3. Public beer fountains.
4. Kitty catapults.
5. All day happy hour at a lesbian Hooters.
6. Wet T-shirt Fridays.
7. Replace NFL linebackers with genetically bred velociraptors.
8. Rocket boots.
9. Machine gun camp.
10. NASA space shuttle races.
11. Sledgehammer boxing.
12. Girlfriend TiVO so you can pause, rewind, and delete arguments.
13. Congressional pie fights.
14. Government research grants to build the perfect chicken parmesan hero.
15. More beer. More cheese. More sex.
16. Tomahawk missile surf boards.
17. Hot tub jury boxes.
18. Nacho cheese lipstick.
19. Personal midget-ninja chauffeurs.
20. New TV shows: PBS' The BBQ Hour, Total Kung-Fu Live, and America's Funniest Farts.
21. 24-hour, on call UN negotiator for when you stumble home late, drunk, with lipstick stains on your collar.
22. More beer. More cheese. More sex.
23. Condoms that whistle, whir, and honk when used.
24. Inflatable sex dolls who cook.
25. Beef jerky business cards.
26. Combination briefcase/pizza oven.
27. National Make-Out with Cheerleaders Day.
28. Art museums dedicated to framing copy-machine faxes of asses.
29. Robot gloves for crushing kegs of beer.
30. Karaoke "ejector" stages.
31. Opera glasses that broadcast ESPN.
32. The Astronaut Reserves.
33. Porno without all the "talking" filler.
34. Head banging elevated to "fine art".
35. All money spent on women tax deductible!
36. Free BBQ buffet at the DMV.
37. Passports to Margaritaville.
38. The ability to telepathically force anyone to belch on the spot.
39. One "Get Out of the Doghouse" card.

A preacher woke up one Sunday morning and looked outside and saw it was a beautiful day. He decided to skip church and go play golf. So he called the junior pastor at his church and told him he was sick and couldn't give the sermon. The junior pastor told him not to worry, he would deliver the sermon.

The pastor drove about 40 miles away from town to avoid being spotted. As he was setting up his first drive on the first hole, Jesus leaned over to God in heaven and asked him, "Are You going to let him get away with this?" God told Jesus not to worry, he would handle it. Right as God said that, the preacher hit the drive of his life. The ball traveled all 450 feet to the green, bounced once, and rolled in the hole. The preacher was ecstatic. Jesus asked God,"Why would you let him do that?"
God said, "Because, who is he gonna tell?"