preacher playing hooky
A preacher woke up one Sunday morning and looked outside and saw it was a beautiful day. He decided to skip church and go play golf. So he called the junior pastor at his church and told him he was sick and couldn't give the sermon. The junior pastor told him not to worry, he would deliver the sermon.
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The pastor drove about 40 miles away from town to avoid being spotted. As he was setting up his first drive on the first hole, Jesus leaned over to God in heaven and asked him, "Are You going to let him get away with this?" God told Jesus not to worry, he would handle it. Right as God said that, the preacher hit the drive of his life. The ball traveled all 450 feet to the green, bounced once, and rolled in the hole. The preacher was ecstatic. Jesus asked God,"Why would you let him do that?"
God said, "Because, who is he gonna tell?"
sexual olympics
A man went over to his girl's place for a little bit of nookie between the sheets. He presented her with three choices of condom -- gold, silver, or bronze.
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"Silver," she said.
"Why not gold?"
"Because I want you to come second for once!"
ford cars -vs- golf balls
What's the difference between a Ford and a golf ball?
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You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
top 15: why hockey is better than sex
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- It's legal to earn money playing hockey
- Many people play hockey even after they're married
- The puck's always hard
- The protective equipment is reusable
- It lasts at least an hour
- A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon
- You always know how big the stick is
- You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding
- You can change players on the fly
- You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up
- Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds
- Your parents cheer when you score
- Periods last only 20 minutes
- You're sure to get it at least twice a week
- You can tell your friends about it afterwards
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