Barroom jokes

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Barroom


drunken man and blonde
 
 
After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, "You wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The person replies, "I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?"

The man thinks for a while and replies, "Not if I have to explain it three times."

just a juggalo
 
 
A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys' car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.

"Sir," the cop says. "Why do you have all those knives?"

"They're for my juggling act," the man says.

"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Prove it." So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.

"Man," says the first guy. "I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard."

flies in the beer
 
 

An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.

The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.

The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.

The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"

at the pub with joe and his wife
 
 
Joe tells his wife he is heading out to the pub for a drink. His wife starts complaining that he's always at the pub and never takes her anywhere anymore. After hours of complaining, the husband agrees to take his wife to the pub.

They sit down at a table and the husband gets up and goes to get drinks for himself and his wife. While he's gone a man walks up to Joe's wife and tells her he wants to turn her upside down fill her with beer and drink her dry.

Joe's wife exclaims, "You sick pervert! Get out of my sight!"

Joe returns and his wife tells him what happened and asks him to go kick that guy's ass. Joe says, "No way. A guy who can drink that much beer has got to have a pint on me!"


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