Barroom jokes

A guy walked into a bar and saw a golden mug on a shelf above the bartender and it said “Win this...free beer for LIFE!” The man walked up to the bartender and asked “how do I win this golden mug?” The bartender replied, “See that drunken man over there? Knock him out in one punch. See that dog? He has a toothache but noone can get the tooth out. Take the tooth out. See that old lady? She hasn't been screwed in a while so...screw her.”

The man walks over to the drunk man and knocks him out with one punch. Then, he goes over to the dog and brings him into the back alley. The bartender hears some noises and then the man comes back in with a pair of pliers and says, “Where's the old lady with a toothache?”

What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?

They're both empty from the neck up!

Why do drunks throw up in the sewer?
So homeless people can have breakfast.

Once upon a time, Three Little Pigs walk into a bar. The first pig orders 10 beers, downs them, and then asks for the bathroom. The second pig orders 15 beers, downs them, and asks for the bathroom. The third pig orders 20 beers, downs them, and then sits there eating peanuts.

"Aren't you going to ask for the bathroom?" asks the bartender.

"Nope. I'm the pig who goes wee-wee-wee all the way home."