'Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?'
'Dogs can't talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I'll give you a drink. If not, I get to kick your ass.'
'Okay,' says the guy. He turns to his dog. 'Okay fella. Tell me -- what is on top of a house?'
'Roof!' The man turns and smiles at the bartender.
'THAT ain't talking! Any dog can bark!'
'Okay boy. Tell me -- how does sandpaper feel?'
'Ruff!"
'What the hell you tryin' to pull mister?'
'Okay, okay," says the man. "One more question please. Okay buddy, tell me -- who is the greatest ball player who ever lived?'
"Ruth."
The bartender beats the hell out of the guy and throws onto the sidewalk outside of the bar, then throws the dog out next to him. The dog stands up and looks at the guy.
"Geez. Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
Now the guy is really freaked out, he quickly draws the blind and turns around.
In the corner of his kitchen is a leprechaun, obviously drunk as well.
He asks the leprechaun what is going on.
"Well," says the leprechaun, "I was drunk last night as well, and as I was crossing the road, I was nearly run down. You ran across the road and pushed me to safety, so I granted you three wishes in return for saving me."
"Well, I can guess the first one" says the guy, "Supermodel, bed, yeah I got that one. What about the other two?"
"The money in the fridge?" says the leprechaun, "You asked for a cool million."
"And them out there?" asks the guy,
"You said you wanted to be hung like a black man."
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