Barroom jokes

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Barroom


singles
 
 
"I met my wife at a singles' bar."

"Really?"

"I thought she was home with the kids."

a drunk nose
 
 
A nose walks into a bar and asks for a drink.

The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you, you're off your face!"

feels like a fanny
 
 
Two old friends/enemies who love to take the piss out of each other are in a bar, drinking. One reaches over and feels the other's bald head.

"Good God! This feels just like my wife's ass!" The man whose head it is runs his hand over it, too.

"So it does! So it does!"

a drunk asks a priest
 
 
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man!"

"Well, I'll be damned!" the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I shouldn't have been so unpleasant about it. Tell me, how long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father -- I was just reading here that the Pope does!"


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