Children jokes

What is green and yellow and lies in a pile of cookie crumbs?

A beat-up girl scout.

Johnny's teacher asked the class how their weekends were.

"Horrible," said Johnny. "A car hit my cat in the ass!"

"Rectum," said the teacher. "Say rectum."

"Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!"

A woman goes to the hospital, and her doctor gives her a sonogram. He sees the baby and suddenly the baby says, “Are you my daddy?” The doctor is shocked and goes to get another doctor, who looks at the sonogram. The baby says again, “Are you my daddy?” The doctor says, “No, I'm not your father.”
They go to get the dad, the father looks at his baby boy and the baby asked, “Are you my daddy?” And the father says, “Yes, I am!” So, the baby pops out of the mother's womb, picks up his hand, and starts poking the father in the head while saying, “How do you like that?! How do you like that?!”

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn't be late for church.

As she ran she kept praying, "Dear God, please son't let me be late to church. Please don't let me be late to church...." And, as she was running she tripped and fell.

When she got back up she began praying again, "Please, God don't let me be late to church -- but don't shove me either!