Barroom jokes

What do you call a mushroom that goes into a bar and buys drinks for everyone all night long?

Fungi to be around!

There was this bartender & he was working at the bar one night. In walked a group of blondes & they were chanting '44 days! 44 days!' One of the blondes was carrying a picture puzzle of Cookie Monster in a frame. The bartender leaned towards the blonde holding the puzzle and asked, 'Why are you chanting 44 days?' She set down the puzzle on the counter and said, 'A lot of people think us blondes are dumb, so to show them, we bought this puzzle and put it together. It said 1-3 months but we completed it in 44 days!'

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree.

As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."

She boldly walked over to the sleeper, raised his kilt, and saw that he wore nothing at all. Her friend said, "Well, the mystery is solved! Let's thank him for sharing!"

She took off her pretty blue hair ribbon and gently tied it around the Scotsman's endowment. A while later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature. He raised his kilt and was bewildered at the sight of the neatly tied blue ribbon. He stared for a minute, then said, "I don't know where y'been laddie... but it's nice ta see you won firrrst prrrize!"

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar and start having a few quiet drinks. As the night goes on, they get pretty drunk. The giraffe finally passes out near the pool tables and the man decides to go home.

As the man is leaving, he's approached by the barman who says, "Hey, you're not gonna leave that lyin' here, are ya?"

"Hmph," says the man, "that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."