the shooting
An old lady's husband had just died and she felt their was no reason to live anymore. She called the doctor and asked excactly where her heart was. He told her it should be under her left breast.
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That night she went to the emergency room with a shot in the knee.
i need glasses. do i ever
"Doctor, doctor! I need glasses!"
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"You certainly do, ma'am. This is a barber shop."
blonde trying to eat
One day, a blonde went to the doctor's office with a carrot in one ear, a cucumber in the other ear and two peas up her nose. When the doctor asked what was wrong, she complained she wasn't feeling well. The doctor told her it was because she wasn't eating right.
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bacon in my ear
A guy walks into a doctor's office. He has a sausage coming out of his ear, a waffle coming out of his nose, and bacon coming out of his other ear. He says worriedly, "Doc, what's wrong with me?!?"
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The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."
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