Medical jokes

Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's?

Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you.

Boy Monster: Is it still beating?

A man wakes up to find his dog, dead, lying next to the bed on the floor. He doesn't believe his dog is dead, so he takes him to the vet, and the vet says, 'I'm sorry, but your dog is dead.' The man doesn't believe him and says, 'I want a second opinion.'
The doctor goes into the back and brings out a cat. The cat jumps all over the dog and bites it and says to the vet, 'Meeoowrr.' The vet says again, 'I'm sorry, sir, your dog is dead.'
The man says, 'No, I want another opinion.'
So the doctor brings out a Laborador Retriever and he jumps all over the dead dog and tugs at it and barks at it and says to the vet, 'Rrrrr.' The vet says, 'I'm sorry, sir, but your dog is dead. that will be 500 dollars.'
'$500 to tell me my dog is dead?' asks the man.
'Well,' the vet replies, 'I'm 100 dollars, the cat scan was 300 and the lab test was 200 dollars.'

She is so blonde that she studied for a blood test -- and failed.

The Chief Executive of an HMO died and was very relieved that he got into heaven. Of course, he had to check out after 48 hours...