Medical jokes

A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life.

Doctor: 'I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for, and healing thousands of poor people.'

St. Peter: 'That's great. Go ahead in to heaven. And what about you, dear?'

Nurse: 'I've supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult.'

St. Peter: 'Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. And what about you?'

Health Maintenance Organizaton Director: 'I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country.'

St. Peter: 'Oh, I see. Please go in...but you can only stay two nights!'

What do you call a dog that hears voices?

A Shih-Tzu-Phrenic!

"Please remove your blouse and bra," says the doctor to the young blonde, placing his stethoscope around his neck.

When she is ready, the doc says, "Big breaths."

"Yeth," she replies, "and I'm only thixthteen!"

Once an abnormal guy went to a doctor. His abnormality was that he had three balls. He thought it to be a reproductive abnormality so he wanted to consult a doctor. But he was a little hesitant to present his situation to the doctor. So he tried to explain it to him indirectly. He said, 'Doctor ,if you combine your and my balls, then the result will be five!' The doctor was amazed to hear that. He stood up and asked the patient, 'You poor guy, have you got only one?'