Medical jokes

What do you call a dog that hears voices?

A Shih-Tzu-Phrenic!

A man and his wife went to the doctor's office and the doctor asked the man for a blood, urine, and feces sample.

The man was slightly deaf and said, 'What?'

Again, the doctor said, 'I need a blood, urine and feces sample."

The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear:

'Sheldon, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear!'

Woman: I have a problem.

Doctor: Well, are you regular?

Woman: Yes I am. Every day I do a number one at 7:30 in the morning and a number two at 8:30.

Doctor: So, what's the problem?

Woman: I don't get up untill 9:30.

Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.

"I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one.

"I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second.

"I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."