bacon in my ear
A guy walks into a doctor's office. He has a sausage coming out of his ear, a waffle coming out of his nose, and bacon coming out of his other ear. He says worriedly, "Doc, what's wrong with me?!?"
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The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."
bouncing baby brute
You're so ugly, when you were born, the doctor had to put you in a bucket of water to see which end of you would breathe.
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