Medical jokes

One day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard's idiot brother Bill arrived to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor standing above him.

"Mr. Phillard," the doctor said, "you are in the recovery room. Don't worry, your wife is fine and she had twins, a boy and a girl. Because you were unconscious and your wife was still under anaesthesia, she requested that your brother Bill name the kids."

"What! My brother, the idiot! I can't believe you let him! What did he name them?"

"He named your daughter Denise."

"Hey, not bad! I underestimated my brother. What did he name my son?"

"He named your son Denephew."

A man went to visit his doctor. "Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.

The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. "Hello, Doctor't; says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"

"Aha!' says the doctor.

'I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"

Where does a ship go when it's sick?

To the dock.

There was a successful doctor who had an office in a small midwestern town. He decided that he wasn't happy with his life and needed a change, so he went and got himself a sex change operation.

A couple of weeks later he returned to his practice. His secretary wondered why it took him so long to return. 'Well, it hurt alot more than I thought it would.'

Then she asked him, 'What part hurt the most? Was it when they cut off your penis or when they pumped you full of air to make your breasts that big?'

He said 'Well, that hurt, but not bad enough to keep me at home for so long. What hurt the most was when they drilled a hole in my head and pumped out half of my brains!'