She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the
decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she
called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.
"On a
woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
When she comes back to his office, she tells him how she still is having these horrible farts, but now they smell like rotting eggs. The doctor's only reaction to this was... "It's good to know we cleared up your sinuses. Now to work on your hearing...."
In a murder trial, the
defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.
'Now, do you understand?' he asked.
'I just have one question. How many times a week do I have to bring her in for this?'
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