Medical jokes

Three guys are in a doctor's office. One is a drunk, another's a smoker and the third's a gay guy. The doctor tells each of them that, if they induldge in their bad habit one more time, they will die.

Outside they pass a bar. The drunk says, “I don't care if I die, I need a drink.” The drunk goes into the bar takes a drink and, sure enough, he drops dead.

Meanwhile the smoker and the gay guy are walking along. Then the smoker spots a lit cigarette on the sidewalk. The gay guy looks over and says, “If you bend down to pick that up, we're both dead.”

A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetrician's office. After the exam, she shyly said, 'My husband wants me to ask you...,' to which the doctor replies, 'I know, I know,' placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. 'I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy.'

'No, that's not it,' the woman confessed. 'He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.'

What do you call a female sex change?

An addadictomy!

Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, 'How do you really feel? I mean, you're 72 years old, how do you honestly feel?'

'Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just wet myself.'