Medical jokes

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at the pharmacy
Woman: Can I get Viagra here?

Pharmacist: Yes.

Woman: Can I get it over the counter?

Pharmacist: If you give me two of them, you can.

hearing voices
Man: Doc, you've gotta help me. I'm hearing voices but I don't see people.

Doc: And when are you hearing these voices?

Man: When I'm on the telephone.

viagra coffee
This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine.

The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, "Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's sex drive."

The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?"

The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache," she claimed.

"Well," the doctor continued, "Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won't notice a thing."

The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly.

Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.

"How did it go?" the doctor asked.

"Terrible, doctor, terrible."

"Did it not work?"

"Yes," the old lady said, "It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I'd had in 25 years."

"Then what is the problem, ma'am?"

"Well," she said. "I can't ever show my face in McDonald's again."

stewed tomatoes
A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worry about getting seasick.

The doctor suggests, 'Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.'

The guy replies, 'Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?'

The doctor says, 'No, but it'll look real pretty in the water.'

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