As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up nuts!"
And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, "Down nuts!" And they all sat.
After a home run he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" And they all broke into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.
The assistant replied, "Well... everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, 'PEANUTS!'"
Doctor: 'I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for, and healing thousands of poor people.'
St. Peter: 'That's great. Go ahead in to heaven. And what about you, dear?'
Nurse: 'I've supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult.'
St. Peter: 'Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. And what about you?'
Health Maintenance Organizaton Director: 'I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country.'
St. Peter: 'Oh, I see. Please go in...but you can only stay two nights!'
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.
"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. "Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"
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