Medical jokes

Yo mama's so stupid she thought asphalt was a rectal disorder.

"Doctor, doctor! I need glasses!"

"You certainly do, ma'am. This is a barber shop."

There was this guy who was sick,so he went to the doctor.

The doc ran some tests and sent him home with some medicine.

The next day the doctor called and the wife answered.

"I'm going to need to run a few more tests", the doctor said.

"I'm going to need a semen, urine and a fecal sample".

After she hung up the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?"

"He needs a pair of your underwear".

There was a lady, who had a dog that she loved, and he followed her everywhere. One morning she woke up, went to the bathroom, came out, and realized that her dog wasn't at her feet. She found him in his bed 'sleeping'. She called his name, but he didn't get up. So she took him to the vet and told the vet that her dog wouldn't wake up. So he looked at her dog and said, 'Your dog is dead'. She asked the doctor to perform another test to be sure.

The doctor went into another room, and came back with a cage. In it there was a cat. He let the cat out, and she walked arund the dog, sniffed, and went back in her cage. The doc put the cat back in the other room. He came out and said again, 'Your dog is dead'.

She was like 'Ok, how much do I owe you?'

The doctor said '$300'

She said, 'What!?!? How could it cost that much??'

He said '$15 for me to say he was dead. Then $285 for the cat scan'