Medical jokes

A patient needed a brain transplant and the doctor told the family, 'Brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves.'

'Well, how much does a brain cost?' asked the relatives.

'For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000,' replied the doctor.

Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood. But the patient's daughter was unsatisfied and asked, 'Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?'

'Standard pricing practice,' said the doctor. 'Women's brains have to be marked down because they've actually been used.'

There was a lady, who had a dog that she loved, and he followed her everywhere. One morning she woke up, went to the bathroom, came out, and realized that her dog wasn't at her feet. She found him in his bed 'sleeping'. She called his name, but he didn't get up. So she took him to the vet and told the vet that her dog wouldn't wake up. So he looked at her dog and said, 'Your dog is dead'. She asked the doctor to perform another test to be sure.

The doctor went into another room, and came back with a cage. In it there was a cat. He let the cat out, and she walked arund the dog, sniffed, and went back in her cage. The doc put the cat back in the other room. He came out and said again, 'Your dog is dead'.

She was like 'Ok, how much do I owe you?'

The doctor said '$300'

She said, 'What!?!? How could it cost that much??'

He said '$15 for me to say he was dead. Then $285 for the cat scan'

Two guys are sharing a hospital room.

"What are you in for?"

"I'm getting a circumcision."

"Damn! I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for a year!"

Three Doctors are dicussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, 'I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.'

Doctor Fitzpatrick says, 'I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.'

Doctor Ahn says, 'I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable.'