Medical jokes

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the annual check-up
After his annual checkup, Bob is shocked to learn that he has somehow contracted a rare disease and has only twelve hours to live. Arriving home in utter despair, he tells his wife the terrible news and begins to cry. Overcome with grief, Helen hugs him tight and says, "Honey, I'm going to give you a night you'll never forget!"

They go to bed early and make passionate love with an ardor they haven't felt in years. When they're done, Bob turns to his wife and says, "Honey, that was *wonderful,* the best we've ever had. Can we do it again?" This time it's even more passionate. Later, as Helen is about to doze off, Bob gives her a nudge and says, "Honey, come on. How about one more time?"

"That's easy for you to say. You don't have to get up in the morning!"

nurse doctor doctor nurse
Nurse: Doctor, Doctor, there's an invisible man in the waiting room!

Doctor: Well, go in there and tell him I can't see him!!

the waiting room
This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical condition. Her husband waits patiently in the waiting room. After a few minutes, the doctor comes out and asks her assistant for a wrench, which understandably concerns the husband.

Then, after a couple more moments, the doctor re-enters the room this time asking for a screwdriver. The man grows worried and begins to pace in circles.

Then, a little later, the doctor bursts through the doors screaming for a hammer, at that, the husband, in a state of frenzied terror, runs up to the surgeon and asks, 'Doctor, what the heck is wrong with my wife?'

"I don't know," replies the flustered doctor, "I can't get my damn bag open."

male & female brains
One day a group of husbands and wives went to a scientific program. The doctor there was showing them brains from real peopleand telling how expensive it would be to buy one. He said it was five million dollars for a female brain and ten million dollars for a male brain. The men snickered, thinking they knew why. One of the women said, 'Well, why is that, sir?' The doctor answered, "The men's brains cost more, for they have never been used."

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