Medical jokes

Yo mama's so hairy, when you were born, you almost died of rug burn.

A couple has been married for 50 years. One day they went to a doctor because they recently had been forgetting things and they were afraid that they would leave the stove on. The doctor said, "There is no way medically, but you could always write notes to help you remember things."

That night, as the wife was getting up, her husband asked what she was doing. She replied, "I was just going to make some ice cream." The husband insisted that he would make it. As he was walking into the kitchen, she called out, "WITH A CHERRY ON TOP!"

"Okay dear," he replied.

"And sprinkles too!"

"Okay dear."

From the kitchen came sounds of banging pots and pans and nearly twenty minutes later he came back into the room with bacon and eggs. The wife said "So? Where's the toast?"

Two elderly folks in a nursing home wanted to get married. Their doctor found out about this and took each one into his office seperately to try and talk them out of it. First he called in the woman and he told her that the man had already had two heart attacks and was very unhealthy and could die at any time. She told the doctor that she didn't care and she left. Next, the doctor called in the man and told him that the woman was suffering from acute angina, and he said, 'I know! I peeked.'

A man is in a hospital bed completly wrapped up in a body cast. One of the nurses gave him a rectal thermometer and said, "Don't move -- I'll be right back."

When she returned the thermometer was in his mouth. She asked in amazement, "How did you get that in your mouth, you can't even move?" Then the man said, "I hiccupped."