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old age
 
 
Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, 'How do you really feel? I mean, you're 72 years old, how do you honestly feel?'

'Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just wet myself.'

d.a.m.
 
 
What does D.A.M stand for?

Mothers Against Dyslexia.

eye exam
 
 
A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examing his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating."

The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"

The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."

dr. doctor
 
 
Two doctors opened an office in a small town.

They put up a sign reading: "Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology."

The town council was not too happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to: "Hysterias and Posteriors."

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."

No go! Next they tried "Catatonics and Colonics" Thumbs down again.

Then came, "Manic-Depressives and Anal-Retentives."

But is was still not good! So they tried:

"Minds and Behinds"

"Analysis and Anal Cysts"

"Nuts and Butts"

"Freaks and Cheeks"

"Loons and Moons"

"Lost Souls and Ass Holes"

None worked.

Almost at their wits' end, the doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be accepted by the council:

"Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Odds and Ends."

APPROVED!


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