Medical jokes

Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about nurse Nancy.

'She's out of control!' the first doctor says. 'She does everything backwards. Just last week I told her to give a man two milligrams of morphine every ten hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every two hours, he alomost died!'

'That's nothing,' said the second doctor, "earlier this week I told her to give a man an enema every 24 hours, she tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour!'

All of a sudden they heard a blood curldling scream from down the hallway.

'OH MY GOD! I just realized that I told nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smiths boil!'

A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetrician's office. After the exam, she shyly said, 'My husband wants me to ask you...,' to which the doctor replies, 'I know, I know,' placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. 'I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy.'

'No, that's not it,' the woman confessed. 'He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.'

Two elderly folks in a nursing home wanted to get married. Their doctor found out about this and took each one into his office seperately to try and talk them out of it. First he called in the woman and he told her that the man had already had two heart attacks and was very unhealthy and could die at any time. She told the doctor that she didn't care and she left. Next, the doctor called in the man and told him that the woman was suffering from acute angina, and he said, 'I know! I peeked.'

A man is in a hospital bed completly wrapped up in a body cast. One of the nurses gave him a rectal thermometer and said, "Don't move -- I'll be right back."

When she returned the thermometer was in his mouth. She asked in amazement, "How did you get that in your mouth, you can't even move?" Then the man said, "I hiccupped."