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assisted suicide
 
 
One day there was a 97 year old woman, who wanted to commit suicide but unfortunately she did not know where her heart was.

So the old woman calls up her doctor and asked,'Where's my heart located?'

'On a woman, it's usually located under her left breast,' the doctor replied.

The next day the woman was taken to the hospital and diagnosed with a gun shot wound to the knee.

saran wrap
 
 
A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only Saran Wrap. The guy askes the doctor, 'What do you think is wrong with me?'

The doctor replied,'I can clearly see you're nuts.'

dirty knees
 
 
What do you call a nurse with dirty knees?

The head Nurse!

drinker, smoker, homosexual
 
 
Three guys are in a doctor's office. One is a drunk, another's a smoker and the third's a gay guy. The doctor tells each of them that, if they induldge in their bad habit one more time, they will die.

Outside they pass a bar. The drunk says, “I don't care if I die, I need a drink.” The drunk goes into the bar takes a drink and, sure enough, he drops dead.

Meanwhile the smoker and the gay guy are walking along. Then the smoker spots a lit cigarette on the sidewalk. The gay guy looks over and says, “If you bend down to pick that up, we're both dead.”


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