Medical jokes

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playing doctor
A little boy and girl were playing doctor. The little boy boldly pulled off his shirt and pointed to his nipples.

"I've got two of these," he said. "How about you?" The little girl opened her blouse and showed him her nipples. So the boy pointed to his belly button. The little girl looked down showed him her belly button. So the little boy dropped his drawers and pointed to his penis. The little girl raised her skirt and pulled her underwear to the side, but search as she might she couldn't find that particular organ. The little boy taunted her till she ran home to her mommy. She returned 15 minutes later with a big grin on her face.

"My mommy told me that when I am 15 years old, I'll have as many of those as I want!"

five surgeons
Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work.

"I think accountants are the easiest to operate on," said the first surgeon. "You open them up and everything inside is numbered."

"I think librarians are the easiest to operate on," said the second. "You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."

"I like to operate on electricians," said the third. "You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."

"I like to operate on lawyers," said the fourth. "They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their asses are interchangeable."

"I like engineers," said the fifth. "They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..."

the hippie and the spice rack
With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up at the local casualty ward and a hippie is wheeled out on a gurney. The doctor questions his long-haired colleagues.

'So what was he doing then?' asks the physician. 'Acid? Cannabis?'

'Sort of,' replies one of the hippies, nervously thumbing his caftan. 'But we ran out of gear, so I skinned up a homemade spliff.'

'And what was in that?' asks the doctor.

'Um, I kind of raided my girlfriend's spice rack.' says the hippie. 'There was a bit of cumin, some turmeric and a little paprika.'

'Well, that explains it,' the doctor replies, looking at them gravely. 'He is in a Korma.'

little johnny's prognosis
A young mother was having a consultation with a doctor. As they spoke, her Little Johnny could clearly be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room - yet she made no attempt to restrain him.

Soon they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing. Finally, after an extra-loud crash, the woman casually told the doctor, "I hope you don't mind my Little Johnny playing in there."

"No, not at all," said the doctor calmly. "I'm sure he'll calm down as soon as he finds the poison."

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