Medical jokes

The head Nurse!

Jon was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly. The doctor said, "Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?" Jon said, "I'd be half blind." "That's correct. What would happen if I poked out both your eyes?" "I'd be completely blind." The doctor stood up, shook his hand, and told him he was free.

On Jon's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned the questions to Dan. He told him what questions would be asked and the answers. Dan was called in. The doctor went through the formalities and asked, "What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?" Dan, remembering what Jon had said, said, "I'd be half blind." The doctor looked a litle puzzled, but went on. "What would happen if I cut off both your ears?" "I'd be completely blind." "Dan, how can you explain that you'd be blind?" asked the doctor. "Well," replied Dan, "my hat would fall over my eyes."

"Try coming home at 3 in the morning."

After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart. The trouble was, she wasn't certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple.

So she shot herself in the left kneecap.