Medical jokes

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the bald man
A bald man with one leg wanted to go to a fancy dress party but he didn't know what to go as. He wrote to a fancy dress company and asked for a recommendation. The reply came back saying that he could go as a monk becasue of his bald head. He replied angrily saying that they were just being rude about his bald head.

The company apologized and wrote back saying that he could go as a pirate, his bald head could be covered by the hat and his wooden leg would complemnt the outfit. He replied angrily saying they were just being rude about his wooden leg.

A few days later he recieved a parcel with a note. In the parcel was a pot of sticky toffee and the note said smear the toffee over your head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple!

doctors, nurses, lightbulbs
Q: How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twelve: One to do it. one to chart it. ten to write the policy and procedure.

Q: How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty: one primary care physican to change it and 19 specialists to take it apart and look at it under a microscope.

deadly gas
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I can't stop passing gas. Luckily, my farts don't smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted twice since I've been here in your office, but you didn't even notice." "I can help you," says the doc. "Take these pills and come back next week." The next week, the lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my farts reek." The doctor says, "Good, we fixed your sinuses! Now let's work on your hearing."
social security
An old man went to the social security office to sign up.
He had stood in the line for a very long time until it was finally his turn. The lady behind the counter ask him for identification. He went to get his wallet out of his back pocket and relized he had left it at home. The lady told him that was alright he could just show her his chest hairs and if they were grey she knew he was old enough for social security.

After everything was done there he went home and told his wife how his day went. He told her that he had forgotten his wallet at home and the lady at the social security office just ask him to pull down the front of his shirt and she could tell he was old enough.

After listening to his story his wife told him if he had dropped his pants he probably could have gotten disability too.

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