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Medical


drinker, smoker, homosexual
 
 
Three guys are in a doctor's office. One is a drunk, another's a smoker and the third's a gay guy. The doctor tells each of them that, if they induldge in their bad habit one more time, they will die.

Outside they pass a bar. The drunk says, “I don't care if I die, I need a drink.” The drunk goes into the bar takes a drink and, sure enough, he drops dead.

Meanwhile the smoker and the gay guy are walking along. Then the smoker spots a lit cigarette on the sidewalk. The gay guy looks over and says, “If you bend down to pick that up, we're both dead.”

so many balls between us
 
 
One guy had three balls, so he went to the doctor. He was too shy to tell the doctor his story so he told him, "Let's just say me and you together have 5 balls in total."

So the doctor replied, "What! you've got four!?"

the fridge
 
 
Bertha was worried about her husband George, so one day she took him to the doctor's. As the doctor called George in and looked him over, George began insisting, "There's nothing wrong with me. I know because God takes care of me." What do you mean?" asked the doctor. "Well," George responded, "when I go to the bathroom he turns the light on and off."

The doctor decided he had better talk to both George and his wife, so he calls Bertha into the room and begins to explain, "George says God turns the light on and off for him when he goes to the bathroom. Is it true that --" "DAMMIT, George!" Bertha bursts out, "How many times do I have to tell you not to piss in the fridge?"

forgetful minds
 
 
A couple has been married for 50 years. One day they went to a doctor because they recently had been forgetting things and they were afraid that they would leave the stove on. The doctor said, "There is no way medically, but you could always write notes to help you remember things."

That night, as the wife was getting up, her husband asked what she was doing. She replied, "I was just going to make some ice cream." The husband insisted that he would make it. As he was walking into the kitchen, she called out, "WITH A CHERRY ON TOP!"

"Okay dear," he replied.

"And sprinkles too!"

"Okay dear."

From the kitchen came sounds of banging pots and pans and nearly twenty minutes later he came back into the room with bacon and eggs. The wife said "So? Where's the toast?"


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