Medical jokes

This guy is in the hospital with two broken legs that he got from a car crash.

The nurse comes into the room that he is in and says that she has good news and bad news.

The guy asks for the bad news first.

The nurse says, 'We're going to have to remove your legs.'

Then the guy asks for the bad news.

The nurse says, 'The guy beside you wants to buy your sneakers.'

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. The farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!"

The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts - although still silent - stink terribly."

The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing..."

A woman met a man at a club and went back to his place for sex. Afterward, she said “You must be a good dentist.” He replied, “How did you know I'm a dentist.” She said, “I didn't feel a thing.”

A guy says, "Doctor, Doctor! Help me, I keep thinking I'm getting smaller!"

Doctor replies, "Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."